I Can't Imagine

I am a creature of habit – like many of us humans. I can’t imagine losing my entire home and its contents. I mean I have slept there for 25 years, raised our children there, and created memories there. It holds all our belongings, too much stuff, perhaps, but it is all there. 

The devastation of the Los Angeles wildfires is hard to fathom. I can’t imagine the sights along the roadways that I have traveled so many times. I do not know what to think about the ongoing air quality issues. We have a daughter in North Hollywood who I worry about constantly. I can’t imagine the overwhelming task of rebuilding. The loss of life is heartbreaking, but frankly, feels like it could have been even worse. 

Check on your friends in Los Angeles. Even if their home is fine, they may not be. They need our support now, next month, and in the years to come! 

I just can’t imagine…

When life gives you lemons…

 

Twenty years ago, this week I finished my last chemotherapy for Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The notes in my diary from that day simply state, “This is my final treatment and I thought it would never be finished. I kept watching for the last drop.”

That was a long time ago. Even though my diagnosis is considered treatable but not curable, the longer I remain in remission the lower the odds are of recurrence. That was true at ten and fifteen years. It is especially true, this week at twenty! I am blessed to have had a tolerable treatment regimen and a favorable outcome.

Many of you know that our family took my diagnosis combined with the loss of my father to leukemia and turned it into a passion of raising money for blood cancer research. Over the past nineteen years our family (The Blanton Bunch) has raised and donated over $565,000 to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Lemons to Lemonade, my friends!  The only answer for blood cancers is funding research for a cure.

I can’t believe it has been twenty years…

Undivided attention

 

As humans one of the greatest gifts we can give is our undivided attention. While that sounds simple, consider what it really means. With deadlines, meetings, email, texts, social media, and cell phones, how often do you really give someone your undivided attention? It is incredibly easy for our thoughts to drift to something we consider more urgent. There really should be nothing more urgent than what we are being told by our friends, peers and subordinates. 

 

Giving someone our attention allows them to speak and truly be heard. It allows them to feel positive about our relationship with them. It allows you to focus on what you are being told and learn something from their perspective. It is a foundational piece of the relationship between leader and follower. Loyal associates deserve your undivided attention. It is so vital in personal relationships. This principle is even more true at home with spouses and children! 

 

Try it out, you might learn something you and you will be appreciated!

Your Five

 

There is a concept out there that states, “We tend to become like the five people we spend most of our time around”. Makes you think about who you are hanging out with. Consider that for a minute regarding your work world.

 

It’s easy to think of this concept in regards to our good friends that we hang out with after hours and on weekends, or even more so our family and others whom we consider close. But, we spend eight hours a day in our work environment. Annually, that is 2080 hours. That is more time than we spend with most other people in our lives. How are those that you work with influencing you? What good or bad habits might you adopt from the people that you spend eight hours a day with? 

 

We should work someplace where the people we work with make us better. Think about that for a minute. Are the people you work with daily making you a better person? Are you learning and growing because of the people that you hang out with between 8:00 and 5:00 every single workday? The concept of who our five closest friends are is a powerful one, but it needs to be viewed within the context of our work environment. You may not be great friends with the people that you work with every single day, but you do spend at least eight hours a day with them. That’s a lot of time. Their habits, their behaviors, their responses, cannot be ignored.

 

Do you work with people who make you better?

Relationships

 

Life moves at the speed of relationships. I am not sure where I first heard that statement, but it resonated with me immediately. Think about the relationships in our lives…

• God
• Spouse and significant others
• Children
• Parents and siblings
• Close friends and confidants
• Church groups
• Mentors and mentees
• Business partners
• Employees and co-workers
• Clients and vendors

 

Relationships are valuable and important to us. I do not believe we are meant to do life alone. The people we surround ourselves with are critical to how we navigate life. Failed and broken relationships can be devastating. Strong and healthy relationships can be lifesaving. As vital as relationships are, they are seldom easy. They can be challenging and messy. They require work and attention. Relationships need to be valued, nurtured and protected.

Life moves at the speed of relationships. Are you investing enough in yours?

A Lecture…

 

“Don’t offer a lecture to a person that needs a hug!”

-        Anonymous

We humans can be a bit judgy. Many of us are set in our ways and view the world from only our perspective. We think we have all the answers. The problem is when we feel the need to press our answers onto others. These lectures might be about how others should live their life, who they should date, how to parent, or what they need to tell their boss. Sure, there is a place for these discussions with our friends. Note the use of the word discussion, not lecture. But, oftentimes people just need a sympathetic ear. They need to be listened to, not lectured to. Think about the difference. Big opportunity here for both parents and employers.

Sometimes, friends, employees and kids may actually want to know our thoughts. Other times they may even need to hear our thoughts. But there are also times when we need to keep our mouth shut. Never pass up the opportunity to give someone a hug. It might be all they need.

Business Is Not All Business

 

It can’t be! People work in businesses and people can’t be all business all the time. We have issues in our lives, there is family, and of course there is drama.

It is important for leaders care about the people on their team. They need to know what is going on in their lives. Many leaders disagree with this. They believe that it is possible, and even preferable, to completely separate business from their team’s personal lives. I believe it is more nuanced than that. Leaders don’t have to be best friends with their team, but they do have to care. If a team member is facing a personal challenge, it will impact their work. Leaders need to understand that. Business is not all business, because we are human! Remember this….

“People don’t care what you know, until they know that you care”

-       John Maxwell

Trying Times (Two Years Later)

 

Last Friday, March 11^th, marked two years from the date the NBA and The Houston Rodeo both shut down.  It was the beginning of a shutdown of businesses across most of the country. A lot has taken place, and a lot has changed since then. Are these still trying times? Sure they are, in some similar ways and some new and different ways. Great leadership is still in high demand and hope is still our focus. Below is the MMM from March 23, 2020.

  

Trying Times

These times will test our souls.  Our faith will be tested, but it will become our rock.  Our resolve will be stretched but it will support us. Our businesses and economy will be damaged, but they will survive.  Our friends and families may be separated, but we will hold them tightly. 

Leaders are purveyors of hope.  Now is the time for us to step up.  Our employees, friends and followers need to see hope in our eyes and positivity in our voices.  It will not be easy.  They need to hear us say the things above.  They need to know there is an end to this and better days will come.  They need to know this is survivable.  It is time to instill hope.  It is time to step up as leaders.  It is time for us to pass the test of leadership.

Let’s do this together. Take one day at a time and lead with hope!   

Consistency

 

When asked what I consider to be key characteristics of great leadership I always include consistency. It is essential that followers perceive their leaders to be consistent, stable, and dependable. Inconsistency breeds confusion and can distort the direction of teams. Consistency is a great attribute. It is a trait of great leaders, a characteristic of good parents and a virtue of loyal friends. Being consistent means, you can be depended upon. It means you have a foundation of unchanging beliefs.  Consistency implies stability. It does not have to mean that you are boring or lack spontaneity. It means that when facing a common set of circumstances, you generally respond the same way every time.  It is especially important as a leader.  If people never know what to expect from you, they stop expecting anything. You don’t want your followers to stop expecting anything.

 

Be consistent. Consistency builds loyal followers, strong companies, and stable families.

ABCs of Life

 

I was getting ready for work one day last week and found myself gazing at an “ABC” list of life advice sign in our home.  It is a list of great life suggestions we received from some wonderful friends.  The “G” caught my eye, as I have clearly done that!  More importantly, the “Y” jumped out at me. In this contentious world we need more of this. In glancing at the rest of the list, there are several that I need to be more conscious of doing, maybe the “N”. What about you? They don’t all apply to everyone, but most of them do. Life is short, here are 26 things to do while you can…

Avoid Collagen, Bloom Late, Celebrate, Dance At Weddings, Eat More Chocolate, Fall In Love Again, Go Grey, Hold Hands, Inspire, Jettison Grudges, Kiss Like You Mean It, Laugh, Mend Fences, Nurture Friendships, Open Doors, Perspire With Aplomb, Quit Whining, Rekindle Romance, Spoil Babies, Teach Someone To Read, Upset Convention, Volunteer, Wear Red, eXpect Joy, Yield Gracefully, Zing

A Reminder…

I have had a chance to do some pondering lately.  It is not something I do well, or often.  None of these thoughts are new or different, but they are great reminders of maintaining perspective.  Make sure your life includes a healthy mix of the following… 

• Get outside and enjoy God’s handiwork
• Take time off and unplug
• Do something you have never done
• Thank those on your team that enable you to take time off and unplug
• Spend quality time with great friends
• Meet new friends
• Discover new places
• Be part of something that positively impacts others
• Protect and cherish your health
• Spend time around a table…  tell stories, share ideas, challenge thoughts, make memories

Summer Vacation

As you are reading this, I am on one!  Vacations don’t have to be in the summer, but many are, and summer is here!  What a great idea, vacations, time to get away, relax, visit family, friends and new places.  Given the pandemic and shutdowns of the last 15 months, we all need a vacation. They provide us an opportunity to see and do things we don’t get to do every day.  We feel revitalized and rested after some time off.  Vacations do not have to be far away, exotic or elaborate, however, they should include family time, a good book, unplugged time, a great meal, time outdoors, relaxation and maybe an unplanned adventure.  We live in a big, beautiful state in a large and diverse country on an incredible planet.  There is a lot to see both near and far.  Make it point to take a break from your daily grind and take in some of this great world with your loved ones.

Friends

Last week we talked about the importance of friends.  We need support and advice from friends.  The best of friends also challenge us.  Truly great friends will encourage us to change course.  They point out our poor decisions.  They care about us becoming better versions of ourselves.  Do you have friends who will be honest with you?  When you veer off course will they tell you?  We want and need friendships like this. 

 

Are you this type of a friend?  Like we said last week, friendship is a two-way street.  That means we have a responsibility to be honest with friends.  We owe it to them to openly communicate and encourage them to grow.  Certainly, they need our support.  Sometimes that support needs to take the form of a challenging conversation.

 

Have great friends and a be a great friend…    

Friends

People are not meant to live alone. Friends and relationships are a huge part of our lives.  We may want to think we are independent and can live without those around us, but we all know that we cannot.  These times of social distancing and limited community events can be challenging for friendships, but we need one another now more than ever.  We need support and advice from friends.  We need the sharing of life with others.

Friendship is a two-way street.  It is as much about being a friend to someone as it is about having a friend.  Some friends come and go.  Others become fixtures in our lives for a lifetime.  Certain friends are placed in our lives at specific times for specific needs we may have at the time.   My life has been blessed with wonderful friendships.  Many of those have outlasted job and family changes over many years.  I can only hope to have been a friend to others in the way described by this insightful young girl.

 

True friends are the ones who see the pain in your eyes,
when everybody else is fooled by your smile.
--Kimmy Robbins, (14 years old)

Don’t Just Wait

When the pandemic started a lot of us thought that we could wait it out.  I can remember discussions with friends and clients about getting this behind us by summer or at least by the fall.  Here we are one week from September and it is far from over.  It is clear now that we cannot simply wait until this is over.  I do believe that it will be over, however, that will not happen like a light switch being turned off.  Even when COVID-19 is largely behind us things will not be the same.  I don’t care for the term “new normal”, but things will definitely be different.  People’s habits have changed, we live differently now.  We shop differently, we eat out differently (or not at all).  Folks are not traveling and likely will not return to the same travel habits quickly.  Social gatherings and entertainment venues will look very different. 

We cannot wait for things to return to normal.  As leaders we need to take action.  If your initial reaction for personal plans or for your business was to wait it out before adapting, you need to re-think that strategy.  If your business is dependent upon things returning to a pre-COVID-19 status you need to change your plans.  We simply cannot afford to wait; we need to be making decisions now.  I understand that there is a lot of uncertainty.  I realize you might not have all the data you would like to have to act.  In time like these taking some action is better than no action at all.  If we want to come out of this smarter and more successful, we need to be deciding how to go about that now!

There are two great times to plant a tree, thirty years ago and today!

People need loving the most when they deserve it the least. -- John Harrigan

I do not know John Harrigan or the context of this quote, but it is a challenging thought.  It is so easy to love people who are easy to love!  Cute kids, loving spouses and lifetime friends are easy to love.  They make us happy; we enjoy being around them and loving them.  More challenging to love might be the demanding and unfriendly boss or the self-centered co-worker.  And then there are the homeless, the sick, the chemically dependent, and the criminals.  What makes them deserve love?  Possibly those who need it the most are those who we truly do love, but because of the current circumstances we might not feel them to be deserving.  Consider the misbehaving teenager, the angry friend, and the betraying spouse.  It may be the hardest to love those close to us when they have wronged us or misbehaved.  Biblically we are called to love, not just those that are easy to love.     

Special Edition

As if we did not have our hands already full with a pandemic, our society is now engulfed in a fragile state of racial division and violent protests.  This divisiveness is not new, but that does not make it acceptable.  The senseless killing of George Floyd is certainly not acceptable, but neither are the violence-oriented protests in response.

I am a 61-year-old white male with no idea what it feels like to be a man of color in this country.  However, I am pained by the stories of the fear felt by black men walking in their own neighborhoods and driving in their own communities. If this is not unsettling to you, it should be.  Simple answers and clarity do not come easily, but we cannot sit idly by.

A few responses seem clear to me…

• Pray
• Give grace and be slow to judge
• Speak out loudly against racism and all forms of hatred
• Make the effort, it takes effort, to listen and understand the perspective of others
• Be inclusive and blind to ethnicity
• Support elected officials, communities and organizations that are inclusive
• Be thoughtful and intentional with social media posts, and be careful about what you believe on those forums
• Educate yourself with facts from a variety of sources
• Spread love by your actions in our communities and neighborhoods
• Start conversations with your friends and families, with people of different races, and with people of different opinions
• Pray

The MMM is not a current events or political blog, but a person I respect made a statement that tugged at my heart, “silence is seen as indifference”.  I am not indifferent and the MMM is not about indifference. 

Trying Times

These times will test our souls.  Our faith will be tested, but it will become our rock.  Our resolve will be stretched but it will support us. Our businesses and economy will be damaged, but they will survive.  Our friends and families may be separated, but we will hold them tightly. 

Leaders are purveyors of hope.  Now is the time for us to step up.  Our employees, friends and followers need to see hope in our eyes and positivity in our voices.  It will not be easy.  They need to hear us say the things above.  They need to know there is an end to this and better days will come.  They need to know this is survivable.  It is time to instill hope.  It is time to step up as leaders.  It is time for us to pass the test of leadership.

Let’s do this together. Take one day at a time and lead with hope!   

Don’t Let The Old Man In!

Toby Keith tells a story about a playing golf with Clint Eastwood and their conversation that led to Keith penning the lyrics for a song entitled, “Don’t Let The Old Man In”.  As the story goes, Eastwood mentioned to Keith that he would be turning 88 in a few days.  Keith asked him what he was going to do for his birthday and Eastwood replied that he was starting to film a new movie.  When asked how he keeps up his energy level Eastwood replied “I get up every morning and just keep going, and I don’t let the old man in.”  That phrase moved Keith so much that he became obsessed with writing the song.  The movie is “The Mule” and it features the song by Keith that was inspired by that conversation on the golf course.

I recently celebrated a milestone birthday, no I am not 88, and I found the song to be quite meaningful.  There are lines about loving your wife, staying close to your friends, and toasting the sundown with wine, all things I try to do.  But the most striking lyrics are…

“Ask yourself how old you'd be

If you didn't know the day you were born”

What a fascinating thought.  What if you did not know how old you really are?  How would you act?  How would you feel?  We are too focused on the numbers associated with age, especially the ones with a “0”.  Maybe we just need to wake up each day, ignore the number, keep going and don’t let the old man in.  I plan to try…

(Credit my friend, and local running legend, Jim Braden for sharing the song with me.)

The Charles Schulz Philosophy

A Quiz…

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?  The point is that none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

They are/were the best in their fields. But the applause dies, their place in the world changes.  Awards tarnish, achievements are forgotten, accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one…

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

This one was much easier, right?  The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, the most accomplishments or awards.  They simply are the ones who care the most.  Surely your life has been touched by such caring people.  Be sure to touch the lives of others in the same way yourself.

A great life reminder from the creator of Peanuts!