Arguments

 

Recently, I came across these insightful thoughts about arguments.

·         Most arguments are ego competitions disguised as truth-seeking.

·         Learning to say, “You’re probably right” will save you a lot of time and energy.

Think about it…

Fight Fire with Fire?

 

There is an old saying that states, "You have to fight fire with fire".  I am not sure that is always true, nor wise. When the fire is an argument or disagreement, adding more fuel is not helpful.  If you take the analogy literally it would seem that you should fight fire with water, after all that is what puts out fire.  Fighting fire with fire escalates arguments and wastes energy.  It can make existing problems larger, hotter, more volatile.  The use of calming water can make them smaller, cooler, more manageable.  It may even put the fire out entirely. 

Be calm when dealing with a difficult situation, don't spread the fire.  Consider using a dose of cool, calming water the next time you have a fire to fight.

Energy Leaks

Have you ever heard of something called an energy leak?  It is a feeling, behavior or attitude  that drains you of energy.  Energy leaks are wasteful, they drain people of positive energy for no good reason.  Some examples of potential energy leaks...

- Jealousy

- Judging others

- Holding grudges

- Petty bickering

- The blame game

There are many, maybe hundreds more.  Everybody has these, they may be different from those listed, but we all have them.  The interesting thing is, we know it.  For some reason we think these thoughts and feelings might make us feel better.  The truth is, that energy spent on these feelings and behaviors is a waste.  It produces no positive outcome and sucks the energy right out of you.  Use your energy on positive thoughts, feeling and behaviors and stop wasting time on energy leaks! Enjoy the quote below..

 “Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”

-               Warren Buffett

Don’t Let The Old Man In!

Toby Keith tells a story about a playing golf with Clint Eastwood and their conversation that led to Keith penning the lyrics for a song entitled, “Don’t Let The Old Man In”.  As the story goes, Eastwood mentioned to Keith that he would be turning 88 in a few days.  Keith asked him what he was going to do for his birthday and Eastwood replied that he was starting to film a new movie.  When asked how he keeps up his energy level Eastwood replied “I get up every morning and just keep going, and I don’t let the old man in.”  That phrase moved Keith so much that he became obsessed with writing the song.  The movie is “The Mule” and it features the song by Keith that was inspired by that conversation on the golf course.

I recently celebrated a milestone birthday, no I am not 88, and I found the song to be quite meaningful.  There are lines about loving your wife, staying close to your friends, and toasting the sundown with wine, all things I try to do.  But the most striking lyrics are…

“Ask yourself how old you'd be

If you didn't know the day you were born”

What a fascinating thought.  What if you did not know how old you really are?  How would you act?  How would you feel?  We are too focused on the numbers associated with age, especially the ones with a “0”.  Maybe we just need to wake up each day, ignore the number, keep going and don’t let the old man in.  I plan to try…

(Credit my friend, and local running legend, Jim Braden for sharing the song with me.)

Guilt

Guilt, don’t let it destroy you. Here is another tidbit from the Tyler Perry book “Higher Is Waiting”.

Guilt can destroy us.  We all make mistakes.  We’ve all fallen short.  At some point, we’ve all disappointed someone, especially ourselves.  Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about it.  These events have already happened: they’re in the past.  Instead of facing backward, beating yourself up, how are you putting your energy into making sure it doesn’t happen again?  How about facing forward?  And while you’re at it, how about helping to heal anyone you may have hurt while you were turned in the wrong direction?

If you allow guilt to consume you, it will win.  You can’t let guilt take over your thoughts.  If you do, you’ll enter into a downward spiral that will keep you looking in the wrong direction.

Consider your initial reaction…

It is easy to initially overreact, bite back, or even yell in certain circumstances.  I have done it.  We all have.  I suggest a little different approach.  Resist the urge to vent and overreact.  First consider what will be gained from your reaction.  Is there anything positive to come from it?   Will something be improved?  Anything gained?  Will the outcome or the next step change or become easier.  You feeling better is not a good enough answer.  We all need to vent.  But biting someone’s head off is not a good form of venting.  We should vent with close friends, confidants or mentors. 

Overreacting seldom has a positive benefit.  So why do it?   Save the energy.  Preserve the relationship.  Consider a more measured and appropriate response at a more appropriate time. 

Integrity

The MMM has on more than one occasion focused on the importance of integrity.  Reputations and relationships rise and fall based on integrity or the lack of it.  I have tried to live a life where integrity is not only important to me, but is also clearly visible to others.  I think it is one of the greatest keys to leadership, not to mention one of the finest qualities we can pass on to our children.

In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities:
integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don't have
the first, the other two will kill you.
--Warren Buffet

Warren Buffet sums it up nicely, but I would not limit it to people I hire.  I look for integrity in people that I develop relationships with in all aspects of my life.  So many great qualities are found where there is a solid base of integrity.

Resolutions?

Are you a New Year’s resolution person?  I’ve never been one for resolutions just for the sake of resolution every January.  Frankly, it is an arbitrary point in time and not much different than another month end; save the fact that you have to remember to write the New Year on your checks. 

A New Year should be more than that!  It is a good time to look at one’s life with a little perspective.  There is something that feels good about the fresh start of a new year.  It is like a clean slate, a new leaf, a change opportunity.  There is new energy associated with the New Year.  I do like to take stock of where I stand at year end, where my life is going and where it needs to change.  Many MMM’s have addressed the topic of change.  The point is often made that we must change to grow and improve ourselves. 

The New Year is a great opportunity to focus on change for growth and improvement.  Radical change is difficult.  More is required than a date change to accomplish significant goals.  If your goals are challenging, you will need more than a simple resolution.  But simple changes are often important as well.  The New Year offers an opportunity for a new attitude, a different outlook, and a modification in perspective.

Whatever your resolutions, goals, or challenges are tackle them with gusto and commitment.  Stick to their pursuit for the good of the outcome and the betterment of your life.  Only you can change you!

Wishing you a blessed and prosperous year!

Energy Leaks

Have you ever heard of something called an energy leak?  It is a feeling, behavior or attitude that drains you of energy.  Energy leaks are wasteful. They drain people of positive energy and momentum for no good reason.  Some examples of potential energy leaks...

·         Jealousy

·         Judging others

·         Holding grudges

·         Petty bickering

·         The blame game

There are many, maybe hundreds, more.  Everybody has energy leaks.  Yours may be different from those listed but we all have them.  The interesting thing is that we are generally pretty aware of them.  For some reason we think these thoughts and feelings might make us feel better.  Or we think that we cannot change them.  Maybe we even derive some misplaced satisfaction from them. 

The truth is… energy spent on these feelings and behaviors is a waste.  It produces no positive outcome and sucks the energy right out of you.  Use your energy on positive thoughts, feeling and behaviors and stop wasting time on energy leaks!

Integrity

The MMM has on more than one occasion focused on the leadership quality of integrity.  Reputations and relationships rise and fall based on integrity or the lack of it.  I try to live a life where integrity is not only important to me, but is also clearly visible to others.  I think it is one of the greatest keys to leadership, not to mention one of the finest qualities we can pass on as parents.

In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities:
integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don't have
the first, the other two will kill you.
--Warren Buffet

Warren Buffet sums it up nicely but I would not limit it to employees.  I look for integrity in people that I develop relationships with in all aspects of my life.  So many great qualities are found where there is a solid base of integrity.