I Can't Imagine

I am a creature of habit – like many of us humans. I can’t imagine losing my entire home and its contents. I mean I have slept there for 25 years, raised our children there, and created memories there. It holds all our belongings, too much stuff, perhaps, but it is all there. 

The devastation of the Los Angeles wildfires is hard to fathom. I can’t imagine the sights along the roadways that I have traveled so many times. I do not know what to think about the ongoing air quality issues. We have a daughter in North Hollywood who I worry about constantly. I can’t imagine the overwhelming task of rebuilding. The loss of life is heartbreaking, but frankly, feels like it could have been even worse. 

Check on your friends in Los Angeles. Even if their home is fine, they may not be. They need our support now, next month, and in the years to come! 

I just can’t imagine…

You Define You

 “It is okay to take “No” for an answer. It is not okay to let that “No” define you.”

- Cody Johnson – Singer/Songwriter

He actually said this between songs, at a recent live performance. His words struck me. The declines, pushbacks and snubs in our life should not define us. We can’t let them. It is more than just the “No’s”, it is other people’s decisions and opinions. We cannot let them define who we are.  

We get to define who we are! Don’t let others take that away from you. Think about it…

By the way, there is another MMM about a Cody Johnson song entitled, “I am still learning to be human”.

Change

One of my favorite sayings about change is…

“The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.”

Over the years the MMM has frequently discussed change, the need for it, and our human reluctance to it. 

This phrase is really meant to encourage change in an environment where people have gotten stuck in a rut. Change happens. The fact is nothing changes if nothing changes.  Our challenge is to be pro-active and positive about change. Don't let your rut turn into a grave. Be prepared for change!

Be An Example

 

There is plenty of advice being passed around out there these days. Social media has created a lot of experts and it facilitates an increased amount of opinion sharing. Much of that has no tangible actions associated with it. Advice and opinions need to be replaced by lives of example. We know that humans learn by the examples they see and interact with daily. It is true of our children, our co-workers, and followers. A life lived by example is a life of influence.

 

There is nothing wrong with genuine, sincere, and well-meaning advice. I wish it was all that way. If you really want to impact someone’s life, don’t just tell that person, show them by how you live your life.

 

Remember, a pint of example is worth more than a barrel full of advice.

Life is a Team Sport

 

We are not meant to do life alone. People are not really capable of doing life alone. We need community. Humans need teamwork. The trials and tribulations of our lives are challenging. Each of us needs all the support, advice, hugs, and cheers we can get.

 

The business world of life is certainly not a solo sport. None of us individually possess all the skills required to produce results. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we all work differently. The sport requires that we combine our different skill sets and working styles to accomplish common goals.

 

Don’t try to do life alone. There is no special prize for that! Take the time to recognize what you are good at, and what you need help with. Lean on your team! Life is a team sport!

 

*Some of this MMM material is taken from The Working Genius Podcast – Patrick Lencioni

Love & Forgiveness

 

More on this topic from last week which highlighted the following Martin Luther King Jr., quote.

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

Never mind your enemies, what about your spouse, your kids, your employees?  We humans are flawed individuals.  We need forgiveness.  If you expect to love only those who are perfect or worthy you will be sorely disappointed.  Not one of us is perfect.  That adjective can only be used in reference to Jesus Christ.  Hence the concept of forgiveness.  Much like Jesus bestows grace upon us we must forgive in order to love.  Dr. King states it clearly, if one cannot forgive, one cannot love.  Relationships require forgiveness.  We are broken.  We need people to love us in our brokenness. 

Love requires forgiveness.  Forgiveness enables love.

Thoughts on Change…

Stagnation should not be an option in life, but it is.  As humans we must change, grow, develop, and mature.  Failure to do so leads to stagnation, which in turn leads to boredom, failure, and frustration.  The world constantly changes around us.  The last fifteen months of the pandemic has led to even more change than normal, drastic, and unprecedented change. If we do not adapt to change, we will be left behind.  That is true as much in our work world as it is in our home life.  The business world of instant communications, corporate transparency and the world-wide economy is drastically different than it was just a few short years ago.  In the same way, raising kids is not what it was just 5 years ago, never mind 25 years ago. 

It is important that we embrace change in order to keep up with the ever-changing world, but more importantly to grow personally.  We cannot control the change that takes place around us but changing ourselves is a choice.  We can choose to change for the good.  Below is a great quote on the topic of change and why it is so important in our lives.

"Change is the Law of Life. Those who only look to the past or present are certain to miss the future."

- John F. Kennedy

The Lost Art of Listening

If you have been around the MMM for very long, you know my passion for listening. It is likely the most discussed topic in this blog. Stephen Covey talks about how we only listen for the sake of being heard.  We really don’t listen at all, because we are too busy planning what we are going to say next.  Listening is a lost art.  It requires effort.  Unfortunately, we do not have the time or temperament to put in the effort these days.

Addressing the political and racial divides facing this country requires work.  We must take the time to understand one another, to listen to varying viewpoints and different opinions. Listening requires understanding, it does not mean we have to change our opinion. It feels like we are afraid that if we take the time to listen, and truly understand, that we will be forced to change our mind about something.  Understanding does not require agreement, but it does require listening.

It is too easy to hide behind the keyboard on social media or hop on the latest wave of hysteria without taking the time to listen and learn. Listening is a powerful tool.  It makes you a better person, it helps you broaden your perspective. More importantly is the feeling it gives to the one speaking.  There is nothing more powerful you can do than to listen genuinely and intently to another human.  We all want to be heard.  Take some time to be the one doing the listening, not just the one talking. 

God gave us two ears and one mouth.  We should use them in that ratio.  Listen….

Life is a journey

Have you ever heard the saying, "Life is a journey not a destination"?  It is a great concept to keep in mind every day.  All too often we want things to be all finished, resolved, and complete.  More often the events of our lives, including our business lives, are a part of ongoing change that makes us who we are and leads us where we are going.   It is in fact a journey, not a destination.  Sometimes we need to be reminded to enjoy the journey!

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon—instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."

-       Dale Carnegie

Resilience & Adaptability

Humans are incredibly resilient and more adaptable than we think. Proof of this can be observed during this time of crisis. We have figured out totally new ways to conduct business and interact with others. Companies have pivoted their entire business models, some to move products into areas of need and others to make entirely new products. Working from home has taken on a whole new, and very serious, meaning. We have learned to home-school, social distance, Zoom, and even cook better. Our family relationships, both virtual and in the confines of our homes has changed, and hopefully improved.

The uplifting part of this resilience and adaptability manifests itself in how we have rallied to the cause. The emotional stories about special things being done for healthcare workers are overwhelming. Our acknowledgement of environmental staff and truck drivers and their importance to our world is amazing. The donation of time and talents across this country is truly impressive.

This change in our way of lives has not been easy and has become tiresome. However, we are surviving this because we are resilient, and we have adapted.

What Day is it?

The weekends used to include soccer, church and nights out.  A normal weekday included a work schedule and human interaction, outside of immediate family.  Days were recognized by fixed meetings, happy hours or workout schedules.  Monday was often dreaded, while Friday celebrated.  But now?  Things are different; how is one day really much different from another?  What does it even mean to say, “Enjoy your weekend”?

Our “normal” is changing and we are learning to adapt.  Some people have said they do not like the concept of this being “the new normal”, they prefer to think of it as the temporary normal.  A lot of this change is temporary.  Our routines will come back, and our schedules will return.  We will eventually get back to knowing what day it is!  But I do not think our lives, or this country will ever be the same. 

Does it matter if the MMM is really issued on Monday?  What day is it?  

How Are Your Investments Doing?

No, I am not talking about your stock portfolio.  I am talking about your investment in other people!  One of the most important investments we make is in other humans.  We invest time, love and attention into people around us every day.  (If you are not positively investing in others you should be.)  The most valuable thing that we can give others is our time and our undivided attention.  As leaders it is our responsibility to invest in people.  We invest time with people who want to understand our careers.  Time should be dedicated to helping others avoid our mistakes.  We spend time mentoring.  Sharing the wisdom of our experiences is an investment in someone else.  Helping people through difficult personal or professional times is an investment in them.  Building meaningful and lasting relationships is a significant investment. 

We are meant to live in community.  We are designed to support others and be supported by others.  Be intentional about investing in people.  Make relationship investing a part of who you are. Trust me, you will see a return on your investment.

How are your investments doing?

You don’t have to always be right!

It’s okay to be wrong, everyone is, and it is important to admit it when we are.  More important is the need for leaders to allow those who work for them to admit their mistakes.  Good leaders give people permission to be wrong.  Most people don't admit their mistakes because of fear. They're afraid they won't be forgiven¹.  Good leaders let their followers know that it's okay.  Great leaders even share their own stories of failure.  It shows that they care and allows them to be human.  This permission to be wrong leads to stronger relationships between leaders and followers.  It leads to humility and transparency. 

There are few guarantees in life, making mistakes is one of them.  Allow yourself to be wrong and admit it.  More importantly, allow those around you to be wrong and admit it.

¹ Parsley, Brian, Admit You’re Wrong (brianparsley.com)

Brokenness

We are all broken.  Don’t believe those who want you to think that they are perfect; no one is. We are all human…we have sins, shames, regrets and dark sides. However, we do not have to act like we are broken. Don’t let the baggage of your past weigh down your journey to future.  We just need to be aware of it, own it, and move on.  You are the only one who knows your baggage and can control how you react to it. Life is all about how we learn, grow and move forward.  Don’t let others control how you see yourself.  We are each uniquely made in God’s eyes.  Each of us has strengths, talents, beauty and personalities that overcome the brokenness.  Be broken, just know it and deal with it.  More importantly, draw your strength from your unique gifts, the strength to overcome the brokenness. 

You are broken, but truly UNIQUE AND SPECIAL!

Power of the Mind

The power of the human mind is incredible.  It is truly amazing what we can accomplish with brain power.  Too many times however, it works against us.  We let our minds create the narrative.  We listen to the stories created by our own thoughts.  We can actually fabricate stories that become reality.  Even worse, we allow self-doubt and negative thoughts to creep in and occupy too much real estate in our heads. 

Our challenge is to use the power of our thoughts for good.  The phrase “Mind over matter”, was created for a reason, just ask any endurance athlete.  Wise is the man who channels his thinking for good.  Strong is the person who creates positive self-images in their mind.  Successful is the individual who harnesses brain power to overcome obstacles.  God granted us a very powerful tool.  We just have to have to learn how to use it in a positive way.

Assumptions

We have all heard the old adage about what it means to “assume”; it makes an ass out of u and me!  Making assumptions is human nature.  We just think we know what someone meant.  We think someone heard us the way we intended.  We believe that others think like we do.  We assume some will handle a situation the same way we will.  We think and we assume and we go on down the road ignoring that wake left by these assumptions.  In its most effective form communication leaves no room for assumptions.  In fact, when we communicate effectively assumptions are not needed.  Assumptions are noise in the communication channel.  They lead to confusion and distrust and missteps.  Don’t assume.  Ask for clarification.  Confirm what you believe to be the case.  Communicate effectively.  Consider the below quote from the “Fonz.”  Don’t make an ass out of u and me!

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
-Henry Winkler

Undivided Attention

As humans, one of the greatest gifts we can give others is our undivided attention.  There is little as meaningful as totally focusing on another person and what they are saying or feeling.  Maybe that sounds simple, but consider what it really means.  With deadlines, meetings, email, texts and cell phones, how often do you really give someone your undivided attention? 

It is incredibly easy for our thoughts to drift to something we consider more urgent.  The phone in our pocket or purse is extremely tempting.  Our next meeting or appointment may seem much more important.  Giving someone our attention allows them to speak and truly be heard.  It allows them to feel positive about their relationship with us.  It allows you to focus on what you are being told and learn something from their perspective.  Focusing our attention is a foundational piece of personal relationships. 

This applies to all aspects of our lives.  It is especially true in our leadership roles and is even truer at home with spouses and children!  Try it, you might learn something, and you will be appreciated!

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

The closing line in the MMM from last week was “Only you can change you.”  That is so true.  To implement change you need to be intentional and proactive.  It takes action and determination.  Resolutions do not instigate change.  Goals do not prompt change.  Good intentions only go so far.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Change is not easy.  We humans are resistant to it.  It is important to note that big changes usually starts with small steps.  Something has to be the beginning of change.  There has to be an initial step, a starting action item.  Make incremental changes to your diet.  Increase your workout frequency or intensity over time.  Start a new daily habit of quiet time, reflection or prayer.  Eliminate the negative forces or distractions.  Set a stretch goal in your professional life.  These are all easier said than done.  However, they have one thing in common.  They all require something to change.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.

What will you change in 2018?

Beware of the pedestal…

In life we tend to put certain people up on pedestals.  We set those apart that we admire or idolize.  We hold them up, often to a higher standard or a loftier set of expectations.  I suppose it is human nature regarding people that make positive impressions on our lives and that can be dangerous.  Not everyone who positively influences our lives deserves such elevation.  Not everyone in positions of authority or popularity, deserve such special treatment.  In fact, most do not.  The risk is that when those people show us their weakness, or even their simply human side, we are devastated.  We find ourselves let down and disappointed.  Therein lies the risk of the pedestal.  We set ourselves up for disappointment when we place people on pedestals.  Most of the time people end up falling from their perch, often very hard.  There is nothing wrong with admiring people.  There is nothing wrong with emulating certain aspects of a persons’ character.  Just know that nobody is perfect.  Everyone is human, and as such, has flaws. Beware of the pedestal.

Wisdom

I have written in the MMM before about wisdom and our ongoing pursuit of it.  I have also written about how impatient we are as humans.  Impatience and wisdom do not go well together.  Consider the following which addresses both points…

Wisdom is not proven by argument or debate.  Wisdom is proven over time.  Some people adamantly proclaim that their opinion is best.  Regardless of how convincingly these people defend their viewpoint, time is the best judge of their wisdom.  The result of a practice proves its validity, not how loudly it is promoted. ¹

Be wary of those who seek to have their own wisdom acknowledged before it can be proven over time.  Also, be patience with your own understanding of wisdom. 

Have a blessed week.

1 – Taken from: Experiencing God Day-By-Day, Henry T. Blackaby and Richard Blackaby