Conversations in Your Own Head

 

Do you talk to yourself?  Maybe not literally out loud, but do you have conversations with yourself in your own head?  I know I do, and I have to believe that most people do.  Is there a voice in your head that you cannot help but listen to? How do those conversations go?  Are they positive, encouraging and uplifting? Or are they negative, downgrading and discouraging.  All too often for me they can be the latter. 

 

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Maybe not everyone is. Those that have mastered the ability to be positive and self-assuring in their own minds are likely to be more successful and maybe happier all around; It is not an easy task.  We should understand that we need to be our own best friend, our own greatest supporter and biggest fan.  Why not? 

 

I am not suggesting arrogance here. I am suggesting that we need to be positive about ourselves in our own minds. We need to talk ourselves up, be encouraging.  Nothing but good can come from that. There are plenty of negative influences out there today. We do not need another one in our own head!  Listen to your positive self in your own mind! 

Goals & Resolutions (continued)

 

 

Our goals and resolutions are hard to accomplish alone.  We need the accountability of others.  We need the peer pressure to show up and stick to the plan.  Don’t go it alone.

 

·       Is getting in shape your goal?  Join a gym; hire a trainer; find a local running group; consult a nutritionist.

·       Want to grow and improve your business?  Hire a business coach or join a mastermind group.  Seek help outside your comfort zone.  Maybe even consider a CFO consultant. (I know one I can recommend!)

·       Need to improve your Faith life?  Ask a fellow believer to hold you accountable to your prayer/quiet time or a Bible reading plan.  Join a Bible study or small group.

·       Seeking to better deal with family issues or personal problems?  Seek professional counseling or a support group.  Others are dealing with the same things you are.

 

What do all the above have in common?  First, they require you to take some action.  Secondly, they involve other people knowing your goals and supporting you.  Third, don’t go it alone. 

Leadership - Honesty & Trust

The great guitarist Bo Diddley once said, “Don’t let your mouth write a check that your butt can’t cash.”  Others must believe in you before they are going to follow you.  They need to know that you are going to do what you say you are going to do.  They need to believe that you are honest and can be trusted.  They need to know that your check is not going to bounce!   Honesty and trust go hand in hand with great leadership.  People must experience the leader as believable, credible and most of all, trustworthy.  Trust and honesty are established when words and actions match up.  You don’t build trust by talking about it.  You build it by achieving results, always with integrity and in a manner that shows real personal regard for the people with whom you work.  Honesty is a key to integrity and the trust building process. Trust is what other people invest in you, based on your integrity and honesty.  Trust is their absolute confidence that you are truthful and reliable.  Great leaders are honest and trustworthy! 

Fill in the Blank!

I am a good ______________.

What comes to mind when you consider how to complete the above sentence?  Are your first thoughts about your career?  Maybe, they are about a hobby or a sport.  I believe that we are all basically good.  It is important for us to remind ourselves of that, and to remind ourselves to strive to be good in the different roles in our life.  What if you had to complete the sentence and it could not be about your profession, a sport or hobby?  Think introspectively about yourself as a person.  What about things like friend, listener, and advocate?   Or what about family roles like parent, daughter or sibling?  What does it mean to you to be good in these roles?  What about just using the word person?

Think about it.  Fill in the blank about yourself and strive to live out that statement!

Fear vs. Concern

An athletic department staff member at The University of Texas tells a story about his son sharing his fears with Darrell Royal some years ago.  Apparently, the young man told Royal he was afraid of graduating and finding a job in the “real” world.  Royal apparently replied, “Never be afraid.  Be concerned.  There is a difference.”  He went on to explain, “The difference is that fear is paralyzing.  Concern brings awareness.” 

I have always thought that fear was a normal and even important part of life and in fact I still believe that.   However, Royal’s perspective is good one.  When facing challenges, we do not want to be paralyzed but concerned.  We want to be cautious and aware and responsive but not frozen in fear.  There is a place for fear.  Certainly, we should fear consequences of our actions and ramifications of our decisions.  Our laws and authorities relay to some degree on fear and that is appropriate, but when facing change or obstacles in life fear should not dictate our lives.  Caution yes, fear no.

Clear Communication

Misunderstandings in communication take place when intent differs from interpretation.  Good communicators strive to clarify their point to avoid misunderstandings.  It is easy to assume that our intended message was understood.  Since we understand what we are saying, we believe that others will understand as well.  That is just not the case.  Our individual minds work differently, and we all listen and interpret differently.  Never assume that your message has been properly understood. The first step in resolving any misunderstanding should be to clarify the message. To avoid misunderstandings all together, strive for clear communications without room for misinterpretation. 

As leaders and managers, as well as parents and spouses, it is critical that we communicate clearly.  Doing so can eliminate conflict before it ever gets started.  Just put yourself in the shoes of your intended listener, who does not have the benefit of knowing how you are thinking.  Would you understand the message being delivered?  Avoid misunderstandings by clarifying your message. Consider the quote below.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

– George Bernard Shaw

Integrity

What does it mean to have integrity?  How would you describe people that you believe have integrity?  The first thought that comes to my mind about integrity is...  Do the right thing even when nobody is looking.  Integrity is not about doing the right thing for someone else.  It is about doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do! 

What is the right thing?  Two things to consider when making decision about the right thing to do...

- What would your mother think if you told her your decision?

- Make your decision as if it will be on the front-page news tomorrow.

Keep those thoughts in mind and you will know the right thing to do.  Strive to do the right thing all the time, especially when nobody is looking.

Don’t Just Wait

When the pandemic started a lot of us thought that we could wait it out.  I can remember discussions with friends and clients about getting this behind us by summer or at least by the fall.  Here we are one week from September and it is far from over.  It is clear now that we cannot simply wait until this is over.  I do believe that it will be over, however, that will not happen like a light switch being turned off.  Even when COVID-19 is largely behind us things will not be the same.  I don’t care for the term “new normal”, but things will definitely be different.  People’s habits have changed, we live differently now.  We shop differently, we eat out differently (or not at all).  Folks are not traveling and likely will not return to the same travel habits quickly.  Social gatherings and entertainment venues will look very different. 

We cannot wait for things to return to normal.  As leaders we need to take action.  If your initial reaction for personal plans or for your business was to wait it out before adapting, you need to re-think that strategy.  If your business is dependent upon things returning to a pre-COVID-19 status you need to change your plans.  We simply cannot afford to wait; we need to be making decisions now.  I understand that there is a lot of uncertainty.  I realize you might not have all the data you would like to have to act.  In time like these taking some action is better than no action at all.  If we want to come out of this smarter and more successful, we need to be deciding how to go about that now!

There are two great times to plant a tree, thirty years ago and today!

Regarding the Special Edition MMM last week, here are a couple of follow up thoughts on my suggested responses…

Be thoughtful and intentional with social media posts, and be careful about what you believe on those forums.

·   Consider the old adage, “think before you speak”, a similar thought process should be applied to social media posting, “think before you hit enter”.  There is a lot of misinformation out there, as well as just plain useless information.  Impactful social media posts are grounded in facts and well thought out opinions.  We need more of that and less one-word shares of attention getting false information.

Educate yourself with facts from a variety of sources

·      We know that many media sources are full of biases and agendas, as such we need to broaden our sources to gather various viewpoints.  Educating yourself by researching topics and verifying stories takes time, but it is necessary.  Take the time. Educate yourself.

Be blessed…

Welcome to 2020!

Can you believe another year has flown by? This is the first full week of the new year. For that matter, it is the first full week of a new decade.  How will this year be better or different for you?  How will this decade change your life?

Have you made New Year resolutions? Do you have personal or professional goals? Maybe you have a theme or a word for the year.  What about a 2020 Bible verse? It does not matter the tool you use to motivate yourself, or the system you use to change or improve.  Sticking with it is the important thing.  If you want to make progress this year, you will need to be as interested in April and September as you are this week.  Continuous and ongoing improvement is the key.  There is nothing magical about beginning a new year.  It is, however, a great opportunity for a new outlook and some fresh thinking.  Choose what works best for you, just don’t miss the chance to make this year a great one.

How will you grow in 2020?

There is no key to happiness, but the door is always open…

We live in a fast paced world, especially in this country.  To go along with that pace we tend to be a bit impatient.  We expect quick service, easy answers, and immediate solutions.  We believe, happiness should be constant and easy.  We look for a pill or a doctor to fix our woes.  We seek diets or lifestyles that will improve our health and state of mind.  We grab onto fads and trends to make us feel good about ourselves.   It seems to be all about finding the easy answer, the key to happiness.

There is no “key” to happiness.  There is no one thing that will make you happy and keep you happy.  Life is comprised of challenges and struggles.  I do not believe that we were meant to be happy all the time, but we can be happier by choice.  We can be more positive by choice.  We can live a better life by choice.  It takes a little determination and hard work.  It is not a quick fix.  There are certain things that can help us be happy in life; faith, family and health. However, each of those have challenges as well.  Happiness is a process, a door to walk thru again and again every day. Happiness is a choice to make.

Stop looking for a key to happiness and walk thru the door, by choice, each and every day! 

Integrity

What does it mean to have integrity?  How would you describe people that you believe have integrity?  The first thought that comes to my mind about integrity is...  Do the right thing even when nobody is looking.  Integrity is not about doing the right thing for someone else.  It is about doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do! 

What is the right thing?  Two things to consider when making decision about the right thing to do...

- What would your mother think if you told her your decision?

- Make your decision as if it will be on the front page tomorrow.

Keep those thoughts in mind and you will know the right thing to do.  Strive to do the right thing all the time, especially when nobody is looking.

Brokenness

We are all broken.  Don’t believe those who want you to think that they are perfect; no one is. We are all human…we have sins, shames, regrets and dark sides. However, we do not have to act like we are broken. Don’t let the baggage of your past weigh down your journey to future.  We just need to be aware of it, own it, and move on.  You are the only one who knows your baggage and can control how you react to it. Life is all about how we learn, grow and move forward.  Don’t let others control how you see yourself.  We are each uniquely made in God’s eyes.  Each of us has strengths, talents, beauty and personalities that overcome the brokenness.  Be broken, just know it and deal with it.  More importantly, draw your strength from your unique gifts, the strength to overcome the brokenness. 

You are broken, but truly UNIQUE AND SPECIAL!

Why do we care?

Why do we care so much about what other people think?  Too often we let that thought drive our decisions and actions.  I know I do; I care.  I want people to like me, or at least think positively about me.  We should not let that motivation change who we are, or what we believe.  We should never be too absorbed by what others think.  Taken one step farther, we need to be realistic about our ability to influence.  While I am a strong proponent of leadership through influence, we do not control others’ thoughts and actions.  We can model leadership behaviors.  How people chose to act in their own lives is not dependent upon our behavior.  As humans we are independent thinkers and make our own decisions, it is a power God has granted us.  As such we have influence but not control over those we love and lead. 

Just be careful about taking yourself too seriously.  It can be dangerous…

Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz

Courage

The concept of being brave and courageous usually conjures up thoughts of physical strength and fearlessness in the face of danger.  It causes us to think of fighting for what is good and righteous, but it doesn’t have to be like a scene from The Gladiator.  The fight is often not a physical one.  Being brave and courageous may simply mean taking a stand for what is right.  It may mean being firm and resolute for what you believe.  It is odd, but this kind of bravery can be harder than physical courage.  It can be difficult to do the right thing given the pressures of society today.  However, the impact of doing so can be far reaching, even beyond the issue at hand.  As leaders it is critical that we have courage.  It breeds courage among our followers.  Consider this quote...

“Courage is contagious.  When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are stiffened”

-       Billy Graham

Have courage about what you believe in.  It will be contagious.

Fear vs. Concern

An athletic department staff member at The University of Texas tells a story about his son sharing his fears with Darrell Royal some years ago.  Apparently, the young man told Royal he was afraid of graduating and finding a job in the “real” world.  Royal apparently replied “Never be afraid.  Be concerned.  There is a difference.”  He went on to explain “The difference is that fear is paralyzing.  Concern brings awareness.” 

I have always thought that fear was a normal and even important part of life and in fact I still believe that.   However, Royal’s perspective is good one.  When facing challenges we want to be concerned, not paralyzed.  We want to be cautious and aware and responsive but not frozen in fear; there is a place for fear.  Certainly, we should fear consequences of our actions and ramifications of our decisions.  Our laws and authorities rely to some degree on fear and that is appropriate. However, when facing change or obstacles in life, fear should not dictate our lives.  Caution yes, fear no.

Are you always right?

Is your way the only “right way”?  Do you often think that you know the best, if not the only, way to do something?  Sometimes our egos allow us to think that we are always right.  Maybe it is when we are young, fresh with a degree in hand, and we just know that we can conquer the world.  Maybe it is when we are older and have years of experience and just know that we have already conquered the world.  Well maybe we are just wrong! 

If you believe you always know the right answer or have the right solution you are wrong.  There are a lot of ways to solve problems, create answers, produce results and settle arguments.  There is not just one way, and one person does not always know the right way.  If you tend to think you are always right or find yourself intolerant of others ideas and perspectives, you may need to step back and reconsider.  You may need to consider other viewpoints.  You should listen more open mindedly.  You should actually seek counsel instead of dictate solutions.  You should think about the meaning of the old adage…“There is more than one way to skin a cat.” 

Seldom is there just one right way to do anything.  Even when there is, one person never always knows that answer.  Your way is not the only right way.

Conversations in Your Own Head

Do you talk to yourself?  Maybe not literally out loud, but do you have conversations with yourself in your own head?  I know I do, and I have to believe that most people do.  Is there a voice in your head that you cannot help but listen to?  How do those conversations go?  Are they positive, encouraging and uplifting?  Or are they negative, downgrading and discouraging.  All too often for me they can be the later. 

Why are we so hard on ourselves?  Maybe not everyone is.  Those that have mastered the ability to be positive and self-assuring in their own minds are likely to be more successful and maybe happier all around.  It is not easy to do.  We should understand that we need to be our own best friend, our own greatest supporter and biggest fan.  Why not? 

I am not suggesting arrogance here.  I am suggesting that we need to be positive about ourselves in our own minds.  We need to talk ourselves up, be encouraging.  Nothing but good can come from that. There are plenty of negative influences out there today.  We do not need another one in our own head!  Listen to your positive self in your own mind!